Hoa Pham

shifted

2008-02-06T23:45:00.001-08:00

I have shifted both blogs onto my website at www.hoapham.net

See you there!

stuck in Las Vegas

2008-01-02T13:29:00.000-08:00

Stuck in Las Vegas having missed a connection back to San Francisco. We stayed here for three nights- Alister wanted to laugh at the city- but ended up getting a headache from the pretty flashing lights after 2 hours. We stayed at a casino hotel called Excalibur (see castle picture). There are also mini Paris, New York and replicas of Italian and French monuments. Found it pretty sad- even the airport has poker machines in it (not tempted).

americanos

2007-12-31T02:30:00.000-08:00

Here I am in Houston on new years eve in Sugar Land a community that is ten to fifteen years old that has a playground where only "First Colony residents and their guests" can play. My sister in common-law Michelle has reported they are not able to have a clothes line because it is ugly and the neighbours would be able to see it from their backyard. Welcome to upper middle class facism. We have been to a ice hockey game where when two players had a blue "macho macho man" was blared on the loudspeakers the crowd got up and cheered and the refs did nothing to interfere. On Capitol Hill in Austin there is a memorial statue to the Confederates the side that supported slavery and lost the civil war. And the cheese is bright orange, the coffee tastes like piss and the beer is well...On the other hand Houston is home to the second largest concentration of Vietnamese in the, US (Orange County is the first). There is an Asian American section in Barnes and Noble (like Angus and Robertson). The national parks are gorgeous (see picture of Yosemite, Sequoia coyote and Death Valley sand). And Christmas is a full on affair with mega electric decorations outside everyone's houses.
Happy new year.

Once upon a time in the West

2007-11-27T06:07:00.000-08:00

Went to the Asian/Australian Values Workshop in Woolongong on Asian-Australian Literature which you can read about in Peril Issue #4 at www.asianaustralian.org.
Once upon a time in the West a series of short films of which I made the first- Remembrance- is being shown at the Big West festival this week. They are really good short docs (except mine which is a fiction) portraying life in the West, The sort of hour that I would like to sit John Howard and Pauline Hanson in front of and make them watch.
Kathleen Fallon my creative supervisor is leaving Melbourne Uni. I'm currently doing a masters in creative writing and this throws things out a little. I really value my creative life and want to make it more of my life- and it appears one of the ways to do that is get a Phd and move into academia/creative writing. The other is to move into psychotherapeutic story telling which there isn't the space for at RMIT Counselling Service. I could do more community orientated art work, and group projects- Caitlin Nunn is doing a Phd which involves getting us (meaning the Vietnamese-Australian artists I hang out with) to interview our families and talk about the return home and home and produce themed art from it. It may lead to production at Big West festival 2009. I had initially thought that I would concentrate on getting a book out or in process in 2008 and this is already happening to a degree.
Silence has got production dates 21 May to 1 June 2008 at La Mama Theatre. This fulfils another one of my dreams and I'm thinking of converting it into a film script.
There is so much I could do- and not enough time or money to do it all at once. I tried to draw up a life plan for the next few years to sort out what I want to achieve (and the best way of doing it). I did this two months ago and I'm already roving all over the place!

publications and a short film

2007-09-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

I managed to get another short story "Heroic Mother" to be published in the Griffith Review coming out in November themed "In the neighborhood" - meaning Asia. And at the moment I'm in production for a short seven minute film called "Ma". Yes there is a mother theme running through all this! 'Silence" has gotten $8000 in funding from Melbourne City Council which will launch it off the ground for production next year. So even though I haven't actually done much in the way of writing over the last two months- thanks to working full time- there are things on the way.

Youth conference and transformation

2007-07-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

Talked at the youth conference last week- where I was first after lunch- a bad position to start from. They didn't stop chatting until I started reading them a story- which I guess shows me what they are more interested in listening to!
I have been mentoring another writer Heidi Ch'ng and we have been talking about the ending of novels. Like Ursula Le Guin I believe that drama and narrative is about change and so by the end of the novel I expect some change or transformation to have occurred at some point.

I've also recently spoke at a Victorian Writers Centre gig about writing culture. I found it really refreshing to listen to Alice Pung and her take on writing about her culture of origin. Gorkem Acaroglu a Russian-Turkish artist also talked about defying stereotypes and respecting other cultures. As for me writing about Vietnamese culture and Buddhism is part of my milieu at the moment- because I'm still fascinated with ghosts, spirits and madness.

Alice Pung has asked me to write for the Asian-Australian book she is editing. I have found to my surprise that my rage has gone. I don't know where it went- it may be because I have now found a home in Vietnamese Buddhism and amongst the younger generation Australian-Vietnamese so I'm not so displaced from my culture of origin anymore. Maybe that story of transformation is what I can write about for Alice's book.

back in Melbourne

2007-07-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted here for a very long time- but have been busy of late. I sold one story "Mara" to Borderlands an Australian Fantasy and Science Fiction journal. Last weekend there was a rehearsed reading of my play "Silence" at La Mama Theatre. The feedback was very interesting- some people wanted the rituals to be explained more, others felt that the purpose of art was to have a message (which I think is simplistic and rubbish). Other feedback was very sophisticated and I will incorporate that feedback into my play. Next week I will be giving a speech at the Vietnamese Youth Conference- which will probably be the most important speech I give all year. I say this because the most valuable interaction I have with readers I feel is when I get to speak to secondary school students. Theya re the next wave of possible artists and I want them to value their voice (and themselves). I also talked at the Emerging Writers Festival on working within the dominant culture- which all the panellists interpreted as white Australia.

last night in Hanoi

2007-02-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

It is my last night in Hanoi before I go to Ho Chi Minh City to go on a three week journey with Thich Nhat Hanh- a famous Vietnamese Zen Monk whom is in exile from Vietnam (Because he supported ending the war). I will be in Saigon, Dalat and then hopefully Bao Loc depending on when I can change my flight out till. I will be blogging this trip on my other blog at
http://interbeinginvietnam.blogspot.com/ since it will have mostly to do with reflections on Buddhist stuff.
Been catching up with the few true friends I've made in Vietnam and spending time doing last minute shopping. My mother's partner Anthony whom is white South African has had to hide when we go into shops so they won't put the prices up. Hanoi during Tet is amazingly different most of the shops are closed and on the second day people come out in their best clothes to visit people.
I'm sad I'm leaving Hanoi and the residency is almost over. But it's been a productive time and I've gained a lot from the residency- as well as the two publications I already mentioned Griffith Review is interested in seeing a piece from me as well after I sent them a proposal.
It has planted the seeds in my imagination for more work to come, and given me more grist for the mill for my theatre project Silence. Actualising my Buddhist beliefs into practice has also been a turning point for me.

happy new year of the pig

2007-02-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

A good start to the new year- returned to Hanoi and received notification that an on line journal Arabesques has published an article I wrote on Thich Nhat Hanh
http://www.arabesquespress.org/journal/war-and-poetry-the-work-of-thich-nhat-hanh-by-hoa-pham-1354202
for the link. So if the Chinese superstition holds true I will travel and publish this year.
Last night went to the fireworks in Hue and ate ice cream by the river. Durian ice cream is not as potent as its namesake but I won't seek it out much I'm afraid. Also had buon bo hue in Hue (beef noodle soup) which of course was not as good as my grandmother's. It is the fourth time i've been to Hue (my father comes from there) and it's very relaxing compared to Hanoi. It is surrounded by mountains and the ruins of the Citadel (partly restored) and the tombs are very evocative and atmospheric even though it was bloody hot (yes it's winter and even the locals don't know what the weather is doing!)
Hoi An was a blur of shopping and ancient wooden houses- bought far too many dresses and Buddhas- the Marble Mountains and Hue are best for Buddha statues and other relic like objects- Hoi An turned out to be more expensive than Hue to get stuff tailored. The food though was excellent had cao lau (noodles with spicy sauce and pork) white rose (dumplings) and banh xeo (Vietnamese pancake) very cheaply- my uncle whom lives in Nha Trang and travels with us is a master at the one dollar meal.

markets

2007-02-11T01:43:00.000-08:00

Went to Dong Xuan market today and ate buon (rice vermicelli noodles) and fried prawn cakes very cheaply indeed. A glass of tea was 1000 dong (ten cents) and buon was 5000 dong. This was way off the tourist track and we were the only foreigners there sitting on little plastic seats. Tomorrow am off to Hue and Hoi An where web access may be limited- so blogging may wait until I return to Hanoi. It is exciting being here in the lead up to new year, lots of xe oms carrying peach blossom trees and persimmon trees, and people in a mad rush to buy hampers and New Year cards. Last night was kitchen god day so lots of burning votive offerings and people releasing fish into the water for luck (and sometimes the plastic bags that the fish came in).

impressions of sapa

2007-02-09T17:17:00.000-08:00

mountain ranges shadowed by the mist, girls in indigo skirts large silver hoop earrings and bracelets hassling you to buy from them, terraced rice fields, water pumps pounding rice, colorful costumes, incredible scenic poverty.

I was very conscious of being a tourist here- we found out that each woman only got one outfit a year- at Tet which is incredible. Our tour guide learnt English from tourists and was the only one whom graduated from high school in his village. He is getting married and he has to pay for 4 water buffalo and 2000 litres of rice wine for a three day feast- and pay a dowry of 600,000 dong. If he doesn't pay the dowry he has to work for his in laws until the debt is paid off! However my family has pumped lots of money into the local economy- by buying lots of clothes.

more ma

2007-02-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

Had dinner last night with Andrea Kauser a german anthropologist investigating spirituality in Hanoi and Doug Jardine an American academic teaching at Hanoi university. Andrea had some interesting things to say about ghosts and beliefs in spirits- she finds my belief that ghosts can appear during the 49 day transition period interesting- and she asked me if I had considered talking to my deceased grandparents by spirit medium. My first reaction was it was spooky, then that I hadn't thought of it- followed by my skepticism that mediums actually communicate with spirits. Andrea does not believe that a medium would speak to her in German from her grandfather- and she wonders whether spirits can travel over water. I personally think that ghosts and spirits do exist, that the chance encounters that people do have has built up a series of complex beliefs in when spirits materialise- and some of it is true and some of it is wishful thinking.
Andrea thinks for herself that it is more important for her as an anthropologist to investigate how these practices form community and spiritual economy.

another Vietnamese author

2007-02-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

Just met with another established Vietnamese author whom was quite honest with me about what is allowed and what isn't allowed for writers to write about. In Vietnam you cannot write against the government, incite violence, have too much sex in your story and something about you cannot write against the unity of ethnic diversity (huh???) I think he means against ethnic minorities. He has waited six years for a book to be published- a very patient man methinks. He also commented that the literature conference I went to was not a very intellectual one which concurs with my American colleagues conclusions about it. His opinion of the Vietnamese writing scene is that many writers write for themselves rather than for the audience.
Here is a picture of people exercising near Hoan Kiem Lake I have on the occassion been awake and about to see this early in the morning- around 6 am.

Natalie Goldberg

2007-02-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

Just picked up Writing Down the Bones again- and the little tidbits I read started me thinking. First of all what I took away from my re reading was that I have the write to write badly. This helps me let go of the censor and the expectations of my work. The second thing which I have been mulling over is that both she and Julia Cameron say that writing is therepeutic but not therapy. I can see where they are coming from- yet narrative therapy is about people recognising their own narrattives and rewriting them to a degree. Being able to transform yourself from victim to survivor in your own story is a most powerful therapy. Natalie goes on to say that writing transforms bitter experiences into something sweeter to be savoured (I'm paraphrasing badly again). That art can transform life experiences. I think that life is chaotic and random, we humans create story and narrattive to make sense of it all. What I like about what Natalie says is that we can take our writing into our wider lives- a bit like taking mindfulness into your wider life.

meeting up with Y Ban

2007-01-30T18:32:00.000-08:00

I met up with Y Ban and her translator yesterday. She commented that my work was good and could get published here, and that what I wrote would have me thrown in jail 30 years ago (lol)! She also offered to get Vixen translated for $3000 US which upon consideration I don't think it's worth it unless I get a grant to do so. We had an interesting conversation about ghosts, she said that ghosts are living with us every day in Vietnam and that writers have too much freedom and not enough experience nowadays! I also went to a lecture by Huu Ngoc the author of "Wandering through Vietnamese Culture". It was very interesting and entertaining- though the Americans in the audience asked some really grating questions.

crickets and the southern flag

2007-01-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

Last night went to Highway 4 and ate crickets! They were barbequed and were crunchy and nutty. We also had samplers of fruit rice wine in apricot cranberry passionfruit and apple which was gorgeous. Talked to Cynthia whom is an accomplished networker whom ran into me at the Bookworm- we did Vietnamese classes together in Australia.
Today had a talk with Huu Ngoc the author of Wandering through Vietnamese Culture. He was doing a lecture on Vietnamese culture and was very entertaining.
I've been thinking about the Vietnamese Southern flag (yellow with three red stripes) and its use at home. At Vietnamese festivals you will see it displayed, and the Vietnamese Community Association has it in its emblem. It's being used as a symbol of resistance against the Communists- however it is problematic in that Diem's regime in the South was oppressive as well. Buddhists immolated themselves in order to protest against his oppression of the religion. I acknowledge that many Southern people fought, suffered and died for that flag. But soon it might be time to find another symbol to identify with- like the Australian flag it has problematic connatations and can be divisive. Something to think about anyway.

Yann Martel and process

2007-01-25T23:04:00.000-08:00

Just read an interview with Yann Martel author of Life of Pi and a series of notes he has written for his next novel. It is very revealing about his process for writing. He says that art takes from life and gives it meaning- which I agree with. He does a lot of research for his novels and explores concepts which fascinate him. It took him four years to write Life of Pi (which I love!). You can find the notes and his interview with a collection called "the notebooks". With my own process I'm still trying to work this out. With Vixen I discovered her character first- then put her in history as a backdrop. With my short stories I write by concept- things that fascinate me that i want to explore. I am trying to build a new novel and at the moment I have the characters but not the narrattive framework to put them in. It will come- I have faith if they want their stories told in a certain way they will let me know.

finding the soul

2007-01-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

I have been spending some time reading Buddhist texts and other writings such as Thomas Moore's original self. It has reminded me to try and stay in touch with my dreams- of which I remember many. My time at the sangha too has deepened me and I have come to realise that writing and Buddhism are life time occupations and it doesn't matter if it takes me a while to actualise any of it. I have the feeling that what I'm experiencing in Vietnam is planting the seeds for more work to come when I'm back in Australia- and that's a nice feeling.
I have read a discussion about Shantaram on the Sassparilla website- a literary site based in Australia and they talk about the noisy novel as opposed to the quiet novel where it is all in the character's heads and nothing much happens. The person whom posted it said the quiet novel is going out of fashion- which I disagree with. There is an audience for both of these kinds of novels and the person whom can marry both styles together is a genius. Carpentaria by Alexis Wright is a fantastic example of someone whom does both.

writing like cooking

2007-01-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

Read more Ursula Le Guin wisdom from an interview on her website. She talks about letting stories grow and gestate, something that I am learning to do organically. In my short stories I need to know what is going to happen in order to sculpt and structure the story. I have yet to master organically writing the novel- I try to plot and plan- the one manuscript I have that grew organically doesn't have an ending! Opening spaces in my stories to expand them is something that I need to do- in order to get a manuscript to be a commercially viable size. I find it comforting reading that even a mistress like Le Guin has 7 or 8 false starts before settling into a first draft. She also says that isolating yourself from life to write is rubbish- which I agree with. After reading Shantaram I want to write a fantasy epic again, and I have chosen a few characters that keep popping up in my short stories to start with. The effect of Buddhism on my writing process is something I have yet to explore- I like the idea of writing mindfully and once you are in flow while you are writing it's hard not to compare it to the meditative state.

women's museum

2007-01-19T21:14:00.000-08:00

This morning went to the women's museum which had a temporary exhibition when it was renovating- called Memory of Time. It had objects and pictures from 1945-1975 showing women's contribution to the war. It moved me more than the military museum did, there were pictures of survivors of torture, women in the cages they used as jails, Buddhists on hunger strike and items such as mirrors and baskets used to smuggle documents in. I read Tim O'Brien's story "How to write a true war story" and he says if there is a moral it is not a true war story. I think that is so true. He said that war stories highlight the brilliance of life or some such- I think. I think he means it highlights the good things about life and peace. Or that's what I choose it to mean. I want to write a story about the woman who pretends to be mad to smuggle documents for the National Liberation Front- I've written a short version but I'll write a longer one when I'm not feeling so sad.

the things we carry

2007-01-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

Went out for dinner last night with an american academic Doug whom teaches at Hanoi University whom had read Vixen and met me at a bookworm gallery launch. He has met Tim O'Brien the author of "the things they carried" and Tim O'Brien said (and I paraphrase very badly) that there are two kinds of reality, historical reality and story reality. The fiction author is able to condense reality and display it. His story "How to write a true war story" apparently depicts this- I haven't read it yet. Doug is teaching American politics and geopolitical environmentalism or some such and his gut feeling is that Vietnam is very open. Hanoi University is training their students to be ready for graduate schools overseas. He commented however that there is racism towards ethnic minorities the area he wishes to study. He also promoted my book to some Vietnamese-American academics that came over from California too! He also loves ghost stories and we discussed mental illness too- and I mentioned that one of the things I explore is that grey area between the spiritual and the psychotic. Been doing a lot of writing ensconced in the Bookworm bookshop and reading short stories and books that Rob has been recommending to me.

a truth of the matter

2007-01-15T01:26:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading Shantaram, an Australian novel about an ex prisoner whom escapes to Bombay- a true story-and it's far more than the exotic travelogue that it could have been- it has a hard gritty truth about it- it shows the seedy horrible side of India as well as its captivating moments with some real personal reflection in it. I'm very impressed. I read an article by Zadie Smith which was mostly pretension but had two nuggets of worthwhile gold in it- about what makes good writing and (I paraphrase) she says that good writing shows a truth or perspective in it. She also says the self gets in the way- I think this only strikes second novels when you are suddenly aware of yourself as the author and have to put this external perspective created by media and press away. A truth (or reality) that I'm trying to portray in my short story work currently has the theme of coming to terms with or exorcising the past and coming to peace with it. It's hard to not write the same story again and again, I've found I've been doing that lately, but that's what all those other drafts are for.

pottery and TV

2007-01-14T22:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went to a pottery village Bac Tran (I think) and saw rows upon rows of pottery. We got to make some pots for ourselves- which was more difficult than I expected. Today the Gioi took us to VTV studios to see an interview with a professor from San Jose whom brought over 40 Vietnamese-American students to Vietnam to connect with their cultural roots. As a by the way thing, Mr Lam the director of the Gioi offered to translate some of my short stories and send them to Vietnamese literary journals- so I've sent him the three best ones from the collection I'm working on. I also met the Lady Botham who is a former ambassador to Vietnam and is very relaxed and casual- has excellent Vietnamese and has written her own account of what has happened in Vietnam. In the photo with this entry are the people I went to the pottery village with Tuan is the one in the yellow raincoat whom I met at meditation class.

brother in Hanoi

2007-01-11T18:49:00.000-08:00

My brother and Ian are in Hanoi for five days so we've been doing the tourist trail. First Ho CHi Minh's mausoleum then the military museum. Ian works for the Australian War Memorial and comments that it is less biased than the military museum in Hanoi- which featured captured US "puppet forces" planes etc. We went to the Temple of Literature and the next day went to Halong Bay- which was hazier when I was last there but still beautiful. Have been sampling gourmet Vietnamese food (expensive!) and my first trip to a bia hoi- where I was the only woman drinking- something that I would not do on my own. I have also composed an article for Cultural Window the magazine that the Gioi publisher puts out on my impressions of Hanoi- sort of a more fragmented condensed version of this blog. I also met another Vietnamese translator Professor Lien Nguyen from Hanoi University whom teaches American literature and does translation for the author talks at the bookworm. I gave him a copy of the bilingual Fox Fairy story that I have and he will be sending me a novel that he thinks I should read (forgotten the author unfortunately!) I've also met a professor from the US whom is teaching in Hanoi whom may be getting me to talk to some of his history students- he bought Vixen and liked it a lot so met me at a gallery launch at the bookworm!

back at the bookworm

2007-01-08T00:11:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Hanoi after a refreshing hot and cool stay at home. My new abode in the room above the bookworm is fantastic, and so are Rob and Truong my hosts.
So far I've been eating some interesting food- hot che with ginger and dumplings which is a clear desert soup with black sesame seeds which is really nice, and taiwaness porridge of all things- with ribs and beef. I've also been writing , wrote two short stories and started sketching the Silence project which I'm working on officially from March this year.
I've also been web surfing and came across what for me is the definitive piece on writing from Ursula le Guin titled "Steering the Craft". I have already discovered that my writing is about change and transformation and this article just confirms it. She also talks about how reductionist the conflict model is for writing stories.
http://www.ursulakleguin.com/SteeringCraft_57B.html

len dong ceremony

2006-12-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went to a len dong ceremony that went for four hours! it is devoted to the mother goddess and the person performing (it's really a series of rituals rather than spirit mediumship) embodies 21 different spirits from mandarins to women. It's very elaborate and complex accompanied by music and singing, and repetitive- first a red veil over the face to symbolise the spirit entering then a costume change, often a cigarette or two, then incense bowing to the altar and then dances- with fans, swords or other equipment. Followed by handing out of offerings to the audience of money and cans of beer, fruit or whatever. I found it hypnotic, and the woman performing Bac Rose was seventy years old and remarkable. All this thanks to Kirsten Endres whom is pictured here putting together the offerings
I will be on blog hiatus for three weeks whilst I'm in Australia- so merry christmas and happy new year to you all!

having christmas in melbourne

2006-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

Well it's at the halfway point of my residency and I've been reflecting on what I've achieved so far. I have collected about ten short stories to put in a collection and have started the sequel to Vixen. I have met with authors and translators and anthropologists- have been to two conferences- an author reading and dinner- and will be going to a len dong ceremony this afternoon! (spirit mediumship ritual courtesy of Kirsten Endres). Personally the biggest gain for me has been discovering the sangha for foreigners in Hanoi- it has helped me spiritually and emotionally- being here without Alister has been difficult. I have been to many temples and pagodas, and seen gorgeous scenery. When I come back I hope to meet the author of Beyond the Red Mist, live above the bookworm bookshop and make more progress on the sequel. Scribe publishing are interested in my work in Vietnam so in the new year I will send them some material. The residency has definitely been worthwhile but i'm still relieved that I'm going home for three weeks- a break from Hanoi traffic and seeing Alister is required right about now!

shamans

2006-12-09T00:53:00.000-08:00

I went to a shamanic hour at an antique shop courtesy of Friends of Vietnam Heritage. We got to sit and talk for an hour or more with the shaman from the San Diu people. Funnily enough his translator told us that he was not sure if ghosts existed or not. The rituals sounded very complicated and to be a shaman you have to study at least 50 books in Chinese. The shamanic work is done out of charity- they only get paid 50-100,000 dong for a ceremony that can go for a few days. I also met Kirsten Endres by accident- a german academic whom studies the len dong ceremony to the mother goddess. I had e mailed her previously to ask her for articles on spirit mediumship. She told me that only once or twice had she felt something special happening during these ceremonies she views them as a form of worship to the mother goddess rather than an actual manifestation of spirits. This opens up a line of questioning in my writing about spirit beliefs and ceremonies- and what happens if a medium actually communicates with spirits or believes she does. Perhaps I can write about the erosion of spirit beliefs in Vietnam- and what happens to the spirits then.

bazaars and mopeds

2006-12-05T19:05:00.000-08:00

I've been shopping lately at two bazaars, a craftlink bazaar which donates money back to ethnic minorities and a charity bazaar run by the international women's club. I can't tell you what I've bought because they are presents for people- but needless to say they are very beautiful and relatively inexpensive. I saw some Vietnamese documentaries on illiteracy in the highlands and Ha Long Bay which made me think- I don't usually think about the children that try and sell you stuff at Ha Long there's 200 of them between 15-24 and they are all illiterate. Very sobering.
Last night after sangha practice (meditation class) I went with Tuan, Hannah and Nicholas to a restaurant serving traditional Vietnamese food. It was cheap- but not exactly to my taste. Scary experience riding the back of the moped when Hannah and Tuan carried on a conversation across two different mopeds- but I guess you have to trust sometime!
I felt refreshed after practice- I hadn't done it for a week and it really showed. More on that at the interbeing in Vietnam blog.

what I'd like to do

2006-12-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

"You never learn how to write a novel," he said. "You just learn how to write the novel that you're writing." This is from Gene Wolfe and I got it from Neil Gaiman's website.
I think he's right. I have found that each novel length work I have written has had a different process. The last one that I completed "Digging up the bones" was done in segments because I was handing the work over to my supervisor Kathleen Fallon. I'm now struggling with the sequel to Vixen because the characters aren't talking to me the way they did during the writing of Vixen. I think they might be on strike or think that modernity is not very interesting. They find love more interesting and in particular falling in love. Kitty is also very lonely so I might write about that. Being a supernatural creature may not be a lot of fun nowadays if there aren't many of you around. So it might be that what I turn out is very different from what I pitched for the Asialink grant. There are types of books that I would like to write- one on Asian archetypes, another on Buddhist self discovery- but these will be a long time in coming.

writing process

2006-11-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

While recovering from a fever have been reflecting on my writing process during this residency so far. I have produced about five to six short stories and have started the sequel to Vixen. I'm discovering more as I go along and I realise now that my ambition to have a completed manuscript in four months is a little ambitious. From my experiences so far in Vietnam and the different insights I have gained from a number of people- I want the finished work to be a distillation of what I have learnt in Vietnam. There is a lot lying beneath the surface of Vietnam and I want to be able to capture that. I'm also willing to give the work time to gestate- previously I have been driven by market forces to complete work- but I figure if Alexis Wright's work Carpentaria took four years (and it's brilliant) then I want to have those layers of depth in my work too.

Y Ban and friends

2006-11-26T04:55:00.000-08:00

Just gotten back from a dinner hosted by Y Ban and her sculptor husband Tran Hoang Co. Their daughter translated for me and Karen Turner whom wrote "Even the women must fight" about Vietnamese Viet Cong women fighters. The sculptures in the ground floor were amazing you can see Crocodile Dancing in the photo with Tran next to it. We did not discuss Y Ban's work since her daughter is only about 15 (Y Ban writes about abortions, affairs and domestic violence). But she has said that we will meet again and bring along an adult translator next time. She's also offered to help get my work translated into Vietnamese- which is wonderful. Here is also a picture of myself Karen and Y Ban.
Also recently I have been to Yen Tu mountain which is where the spiritual lineage of Thich Nhat Hanh comes from. The picture is of the stupas where monks remains are cremated- we did a sitting mediation there and had lunch. The scenery is breathtaking as you can see.
I also saw the largest bronze Buddha in Vietnam (pictured) and a village that is owned by a famous lacquer artistThanh Cuong. His lacquer painting is also pictured.

another blog

2006-11-23T20:10:00.000-08:00

For those of you whom are interested in Buddhism I have created another blog
http://interbeinginvietnam.blogspot.com/
for my reflections on Buddhism. I've decided to keep it separate from this blog so I don't bore you silly if you're more interested in writing and what I've been up to instead!

thay pagodas

2006-11-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

Visited more temples yesterday with the Gioi publishing house and friends. The pictures are of a water puppet theatre close to the pagoda, and one of the temple altars inside a cave. One of the pagodas you had to climb 327 steps to see- pretty exhausting! I am learning more and more from the sangha I'm attending and it's influencing my work a lot. I've been writing a lot of short stories so that might end up being my major output of the residency as well as the Vixen sequel.

nim binh

2006-11-18T18:27:00.000-08:00

went on a tour yesterday to nim binh. Saw two ordinary looking pagodas dedicated to early kings of Vietnam- they were not fully restored and not as spectacular even compared to the Chua that I went to for mindfulness day. Then had a lovely rowboat ride through three caves past limestone mountains. it was a bit of a tourist trap after the third cave we were rowed straight into a flotilla of boats selling drinks and fruit and weren't left alone until we bought something. Then on the way back our rowboat produced clothing and tablecloths for us to buy! It pissed one tourist off so much she didn't tip the women when we got back to the pier. I'm sort of resigned to this stuff, I regard it as part of the deal when you go on a tour. But we also saw water buffalo, goats (yum!) ducks waddling along the road with the traffic, and a basket of dogs on the way to a restaurant (one assumes!)

living in fear- a film

2006-11-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Last nite saw living in fear- a Vietnamese film which was about an ex South Vietnamese vet whom has to support his two families by digging up land mines. It was a really good movie which won awards at Asian film festivals- I hope to get it on DVD and bring home to show people. It was shown at the Hanoi Cinematheque which is hidden in a laneway where you have to pass lanes of other people's houses and then emerge into this colonial space, with a square, restaurant and bar!
I've also had a local dining experience, sitting on the footpath on mats near West Lake with mopeds whizzing past, eating pho cuon- deep fried pho noodles- a hanoian speciality. I didn't get sick afterwards- and it was delicious! At the Gioi I have been proofreading satirical folk tales which make me laugh. I have also been reading Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by Pu Songling- in translation of course- which has lots of fox tales and ghosts in it- admittedly very chauvanistic tales. Has been feeding the myth maker in me!

Y Ban

2006-11-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

Went to a talk by the author Y Ban whom is also an editor of a newspaper the education times. It was very interesting when asked whether she dared write against the party or the mainstream she said that as a writer she had to follow the party since the party is pro democracy. She appears to be a feminist writer from her stories but her answers to some tougher questions was a bit vague- which may have been due to the male professor who was doing the translating.
She invited myself and Karen Turner to her house for dinner this time with Karen's female translator so we may be able to ask deeper questions.
This reading was held at the Bookworm- and they are going to have an author night featuring me as well!
I also will be residing in their room above the bookshop from December. Looking forward to having a kitchen and a balcony- the shop is run by two Australians whom are left leaning and very literate. Thanks heaps to Rose Moxham for putting me on to this- it should be great!

a sangha poem

2006-11-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

Inspired by a visit to Chua Dien temple for a day of mindfulness:

the sound of the bell rings
through the hollow of the soul
confessions come from the heart's smile
the teachings of a flower in an hour
sows the seeds of enlightenment
take slow mindful steps
for the buddha, the dharma, the sangha and the soul

food in hanoi

2006-11-11T06:11:00.000-08:00

Just had a fairly decent bun bo hue in hanoi- although the best one is made by my grandmother and my aunts of course! so here is the foody part of my blog- where to eat some great Vietnamese food in Hanoi- sitting on proper chairs (I haven't been brave enough to try the little stool stalls yet- my stomach is too delicate)

Pho 24 is a chain that has opened up in Vietnam and elsewhere and serves great pho and ice cream
Cha Ca la vong on 14 cha ca st serves fish and greens fried on this little clay stove they bring to your table- yum!
Le place near the cathedral does bun bo hue and some other Viet and Western dishes
There's a place on Hoan Kiem Lake that you can't miss that does cheapish nem (spring rolls) and ice cream
Quan An does all Vietnamese food in an outdoor setting and is cheap

Alister likes Hanoi Garden which does do great duck and dumplings

If anyone knows of anyother places espcially in Hanoi do let me know!

cool jazz

2006-11-09T16:57:00.000-08:00

Have caught up with the ex patriate community in Hanoi. Met up with Dr Rose Moxham who is a previous Asialink resident whom gave me the lowdown on publishing in Hanoi. I also met Tuan a Vietnamese-English translator whom translated the Life Of Pi and Norwegian Wood into Vietnamese. I mentioned my work and other Vietnamese-Australians work to him and he suggested I contact Tien Ve- whose founder was refused admission to Vietnam last year! He's Australian. Rose put me in contact with the Bookworm, an english speaking bookshop and i'm hoping to maybe distribute Vixen through them. I was told they have trouble importing books still. I also caught up with the Hanoi Women's International Club- full of wives of ambassadors and government officials- met a few people I have things incommon with. The Aussie group are holding a morning tea to honour Mrs Howard- I may be going just to amuse myself!
Last night had cha ca with John and Virginia two Americans I met at the lit conference. We talked about life in Vietnam, Virginia teaches teachers English at the University and politics- they are pro-democrat. We also listened to some cool jazz at Minh's jazz bar-my first real nite out in Hanoi!

ethnic minorities

2006-11-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

Last night went to the opening of the Danish fund for ethnic cultures at the ethnology museum. The Danish ambassador was there and we watched some dancing and singing from the Hmong people in pretty costumes- very romantic dancing with a boy and eight girls twirling parasols about. Also heard leaf singing- sort of like playing a gum leaf like you would at home- except a lot more tuneful I reckon! Unfortunately I didn't bring a camera so could not get pictures.

The postmodern avant garde music was terrible. Just drones of sound instead of music. I saw a good art exhibition at the Goethe Institute though and took back a magazine of art which is very interesting- including a piece by an artist whom had been imprisoned.

I wrote an article for the Monthly about the unusual culture of censorship here. If you're interested in reading it just let me know.

ethnology museum

2006-11-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

I went to the Museum of Ethnology which Lien took me to (her name means Lotus). There was an interesting exhibition about the period after the war from 1975-1985 before doi moi. This public exhibition was quite open about the fact that theatre, music and literature was censored and banned during this period and view the now classics as being controversial during their time. Lien says to me the censorship is a thing of the past now. (There's just corruption instead!). Karen told me last night that censorship is erratic and that there is a new law for film makers that they cannot criticise the government.
For another view on censorship in Vietnam try this web page by Tran Vu whom is a Vietnamese-American.
http://www.apwn.net/index.php?/apwn/more/freedom_of_speech_a_perspective_of_literature_in_vietnam/
Rose Moxham has told me that her landlord was a dissident artist whom was imprisoned for four years then released. He is now under house arrest- but still goes around- but I wonder if he produces art. I have read an art magazine its first issue from the Goethe Institute which has also published the commentary of an artist whom was imprisoned and released recently.
So although I am seeing some freedom perhaps it is illusory- but then again with the ABC axing the Glasshouse I'm wondering whether we too in the West are labouring under an illusion too.

Vietnamese lit conference

2006-11-04T05:49:00.000-08:00

Today went to a conference on Vietnamese literature which you can read the abstracts of in my previous post. It was very interesting- and as usual the conversations around it were more interesting still. Pham Thi Hoai is officially banned from publishing in Vietnam but was mentioned in three papers at this conference which was hosted by the Institute of Social Science (a government department). They were quite open about the fact that major writers and artists from Vietnam are in exile and even had conversations about homosexuality which I thought was a taboo topic here! I have made a couple of new friends including Lian who is taking me to the museum of ethnology tomorrow and is doing a masters in festivals. There were two papers about archetypes in Vietnamese folklore which were very interesting and directly feeding into my work. It seems that my work comes from a long line of using folklore as allegory, parody or pastiche- it is considered very postmodern in Vietnam.
I met an american Karen Turner who has done a book and a film on Vietnamese women who fought on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. She had some interesting insights to add on Vietnam. She has a Vietnamese collaborator- and she informed me that the book came out in the US and then the Gioi published it in Vietnam without informing her!?! One of her contacts is initiating a law against domestic violence which she cynically says the National Assembly will pass it because they want to join the WTO. She said that now is probably the best time to be in Hanoi because of APEC, Hanoi will be more open than usual etc etc. She mentioned that most of her work is done unofficially because if you ask for permission to do anything it takes forever!

Vietnamese literature conference

2006-11-02T02:45:00.000-08:00

Long Pham from the Gioi has told me about a literature conference that is being held tomorrow and Saturday. Tomorrow it is impossible to go he has been informed but I'm going on Saturday and praying that most of it will be in English (it is co hosted by Harvard so there's a good chance some papers will be in English).
If you are interested in the summaries here is the bookmark for some of the summaries of the papers in English- already what little reading I've done unwraps a whole world of literature that is inaccessible most of the time to us.

http://www.vienvanhoc.org.vn/reader/?id=142&menu=109

this one is about folktales and oral literature- very interesting to my work and even taps into Vietnamese archetypes! Those of you who can read Vietnamese can read all of the site and I'm envious!

folk festivals

2006-11-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

Today the Gioi has me editing descriptions of folk festivals in central and Southern Vietnam. It has been very informative- I have not heard of any of them and they are not listed in the Lonely Planet! The most interesting details to me is how they suspect that some of the festivals originated with the Cham people whom were here before the Vietnamese- especially with Goddess worship. The text has been forthcoming in describing that the rituals and texts have been made over by the Confucians, Buddhists and lastly the Communists. One particular Goddess statue that has been worshipped is actually suspected to be a statue of a man with Indian influences- but in the mid 20th century an artisan has altered it to be more feminine. One particular motif that keeps reoccurring in Vietnamese folklore and myths is of women self sacrificing. I think this is the Confucian ethics at work- as a Western feminist I am grappling with the fact that the Trung sisters the most famous heroines of Vietnam committed suicide rather than give in to the Chinese. Committing suicide in certain circumstances is seen as sacrificial, honourable, to be celebrated and desirable- witness the Buddhist immolations in the sixties. I think that the self sacrificing ethic is one that clashes with Western individuation and causes lots of problems for women (and not only Vietnamese women!)

perfume pagoda

2006-11-01T03:50:00.000-08:00

inside Hanoi

2006-10-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met up with Phan Y Ly, the director of samestuff theatre. We had a good wide ranging discussion about our passions in theatre and what issues concern us about the Vietnamese community both here and overseas. Ly said that Overseas Vietnamese are in a time capsule caught up about 40-50 years ago, and the war is still a constant reminder to them unlike in Hanoi. She was born in 1981 and the war is something that she says affected her parents not her. Her reflections on the overseas Viet community is that the older generation feel helpless and so lash out even without provacation. She was stunned to hear about the protests against SBS when they had Viet news and the reaction against the performing troupes that come to Australia. The underground theatre scene here seems very contemporary, but they only perform in places like the Goethe Institute and the british council they do not perform in public. She commented that to get anything with official approval to perform here you need to know the top people otherwise the middle men will sting you for money.
We are hoping to get funding for a collaboration between samestuff theatre and AVYM through Australia Council or Asialink. We would explore the time capsule with different generations of Vietnamese-Australians and hopefully exchange cultures with Ly to get the perspective of the modern Vietnamese generation.

in Hanoi- samestuff theatre

2006-10-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

In Hanoi and so far it has been fantastic! I'm here as part of an asialink residency and have been teed up with the gioi publishing house. I met the director today and they were very nice and accomodating with some interesting questions. They were interested in overseas Vietnamese communities and said that they were part of Vietnamese heritage as well. Some curious things though- they wanted to know if I was going into other provinces for security reasons. Apart from that they have even said they are interested in publishing my work- if I give them the copyright. Interesting.
We also went to the University of Social Sciences and the Humanities and saw a theatre show by samestuff theatre. We also got to see a bit of a university revue with three karaoke singers, hip hop dancers and a long skit in historical costume- which we were told by the people next to us was about pollution. This last one was interesting because they were using traditional theatre styles in terms of the music backing up the skit and certainly it received lots of laughs (didn't understand a word!) Alister who has taken the role of my husband when in Vietnam stuck out like a sore thumb being the only white face in the audience and taller than everybody else. The same stuff theatre show was multimedia about chat rooms with a sting in the tail. I'm hoping to meet Phan Y Ly the director this weekend to talk about collaborations with AVYM- her husband is Australian and she is coming to Australia this Christmas.
My first impressions of Hanoi are a jumble. There is a lot less visible poverty and no beggars in the centre of the city- which may be due to the APEC conference being held here in November. President Bush is coming with 1000 people so they say. There are lots of signs and banners welcoming APEC already and visible police presence. We saw them patrolling and causing people sitting on the street to suddenly pack up and disappear. I'm not sure about my thoughts about this- it has made our stay more pleasant not being hassled for things all the time- but I wonder what has happened to the people.

seven basic plots

2006-10-23T01:45:00.000-07:00

I've just been reading the above title and it's worth reading for anyone interested in writing. It covers the seven basic plots that all stories are said to be derived from- and talks about the need to tell story and what drives it. In a badly paraphrased nutshell the drive to tell story is about the need to unite the ego with the Self (higher self that is) or in Buddhist terms become egoless and at one with the world. Stories are about what happens when you either succeed or fail at uniting these elements. When I'm in Vietnam (Leaving tomorrow for an asialink residency) I'll be studying this because my weakest point in my writing is structure- in terms of having a climax resolution and ending. I know short story and fable form really well which is how I wrote Vixen, but novels are still a challenge for me. As someone once said you don't learn how to write a novel, you learn how to write a particular novel and I think that's true.

the look

2006-10-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

Been reading Kaja Silverman's The Threshold of the Visible World which is about the look, the gaze and the development of self image- in particular when your mirror reflection does not reflect the ideal of white masculinity. This is for my thesis but it has intrigued me on a personal level as well. It was not until I was 21 that I really accepted that Asians could be beautiful, after experiments with blonde hair dye and being dumped for a pretty blonde girl by one drop kick. I had internalised for a long time that only blonde was beautiful- I remember when I was six drawing pictures of myself with blonde hair. I am also intrigued by the Woman Warrior in which a Chinese girl torments another Chinese girl and finds her ugly and repulsive. One day I will read the Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison which is about a black girl who wants to be like Shirley Temple and in the end is driven mad by her surroundings. I wonder whether Asian girls growing up now experience the same things- or whether with the increase of the number of Asian girls, the idolising of Lucy Liu and the popularity of Asian things means that this is less of an issue.

heart

2006-10-05T17:01:00.000-07:00

My grandmother had a heart attack earlier this week- and it's made me realised that she is mortal and that I need to hear her story soon before she passes away. This is my way of getting to know my grandmother I don't speak Vietnamese and only know some of her stories through my father. I regret not having tried to talk to my deceased maternal grandmother more- my mother's story was fascinating and Ba's would have been even more interesting. But time ran out- and she was in the USA. Sometimes I think I have conjured up the whole Silence project to speak to Vietnamese older women, catalysed by this regret.

I've had a meeting with a publisher about my next novel and she wants to look at the full manuscript which is promising. We had a discussion about what makes the young adult voice more for the YA market and what other YA protaganists are for the adult market. We discussed MJ Hyland's work and thought it might be the sophistication of the writing, the subtext the fact that there are other points of view not just the YA voice. I like my YA voice because it sounds like a teen. But whether my novel benefits from having a YA voice as well as the voice of Ba (a grandmother) is another thing all together.

secrets

2006-09-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

Did Voicebox recording at 3CR last night- and we covered secrets. They are such a warm affirming open group, Mary, Phuong, Ai Diem and Helen- I said I had schizophrenia and they were very accepting of it. We talked about public and private selves and secrets and the stigma involved in keeping certain secrets.
I won't tell you the secrets of the other girls- you'll just have to tune in at 6:30pm on Tuesday to find out! I predict the secrets show will play in a month or so from now- we have a bit of a backlog to get through.

women's stories

2006-09-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

Very excited- Silence got a starting grant from melbourne city council! Silence is the project where I, Ai Diem Le and Mong Diep will interview Vietnamese women and tell their stories on stage to unlock the silence around their lives. We interviewed
Ai Diem's grandmother last night and she had such an amazing story to tell- but I'm not going to document it here- you're going to have to see the show next September to find out!
And the madness project is growing legs slowly- we've decided to concentrate on Vietnamese experiences and transgenerational trauma. A small show possibly with the help of the Buoyancy Foundation.

mythology

2006-09-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

Just reading Roland Barthes "Writing Degree Zero" for my thesis work and have hit on a concept which resonates for me in my writing at the moment. Barthes talks about style: " a self sufficient language is evolved which has its roots only in the depths of the author's personal and secret mythology" (p.10). I've been also reading Tori Amos' biography of sorts "piece by piece" and she draws on archetypes a lot. Getting in touch and making conscious my own mythology can only help my writing process I think. Definitely the shapechanger, transformation incarnated has resonance for me, and more recently the mad woman. I also related to the hungry ghost when I was younger. I'm looking at Brian Castro's Birds of Passage at the moment- and now I look at it closely it is so well constructed- along theories and a grand design which I am trying to second guess in my critical work. He is distant from madness whilst I am not. I've been talking to another artist with bipolar and we've shared stories. We are thinking of creating a theatre piece from this- but don't know the where or the how yet.

writers with something to say

2006-09-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

I read with horror yesterday that Druscilla Mojewska views in her jaundiced way that creative writing students have nothing to say. As a creative writing student myself I protest! I think that it's very important to have these courses because it helps students learn how to say things, and gain the support and commitment to their writing that they might require. The stories we tell ourselves and the broader public is very important- it tells us of whom we are or could be in some ways and can reflect society at large. As Carmen Lawrence says and I paraphrase badly- one of the roles of literature is to challenge the status quo and push the envelope. I'm sick of people bashing these courses- they are beneficial. If they complain that it produces work that is bland and too similiar, well I don't hear people complaining about Tim Winton and MJ Hyland's work in this way- both graduates of these creative courses.
I think there is a piece in this- but I have to put my thinking cap on and not just have a rant at stupid generalisations...

the madwoman

2006-09-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

I've been doing some more reading for my thesis and looking at the idea of the madwoman in literature. Writing about madness apart from being a cathartic exercise also requires some reflection on my part. What am I trying to say here? I want to dispose of the myth that madness inspires creativity- I think creativity exists despite madness, and it is only when you are relatively well that you are able to create anything worthwhile. Romanticising madness is a real danger here- since so many literary figures experienced madness. I don't think there is any meaning to psychotic illnesses- they strike out of the blue- and part of it is accepting that. Then finding meaning in your own life after it has been taken away temporarily is probably part of the healing process. When an author writes about madness and it's not autobiographical (and even when it is) other meanings can be read into it- such as social commentary. I think I'm still sorting this out in my own mind- and maybe why I'm writing a minor thesis on it.

back again

2006-09-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

Have received more inspiration to spin "yolk" out to a full length novel or piece- Scribe publishing contacted me because of it and may be interested in my next project! All the more reason to get your work out there! The lecture at Wollongong went well even though there were only 17 students they had all read the book and engaged with its content with interesting questions.

My creativity has been kickstarted with a weekend away with my postgraduate poetry group at Phillip Island. It's so nice to be around like minded souls- where we go to the beach and each take our notebooks and write. I'm looking forward to Vietnam now after some trepedation- I want to immerse myself in somewhere else- I know that my writings about vietnam can be very evocative.

I've also decided to step down as president of AVYM. I have too much on my plate and I want to prioritise my writing and Phd.

representing madness

2006-07-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book called "reading psychosis" by Keitel which analyses different literary representations of psychosis. It mentions that it is almost impossible to render the experience of psychosis into a literary form and language since the experience is beyond language itself. I've also read 4.48 psychosis a play by Sarah Kane- which I did not find as experimental as I hoped- it does things with form of the play but I found the content repetitive and unenlightening. I've been thinking about my own work and how I am using psychosis as a narrattive device in the case of my thesis novel "Digging up the bones". I want to structure Ba's recollections as flashbacks that are out of order and centre around moments of greatest stress in her life (of which there are a few). I have been warned to not romanticise mental illness and I don't think I do- Ba is in great distress during most of the novel. I have been thinking about extending my HEAT piece into a novel length work- but the challenge will be to keep it interesting. I've applied for the Peter Blazey fellowship on the strength of this idea- as a fictional autobiography- if such a thing exists. My partner thinks it's a lazy descriptor and you may as well call it fiction but I guess he doesn't differentiate between autobiography that is only one version of the reality of what could have happened and toying with the form and straight out prose fiction.

Vietnamese politics

2006-07-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

This morning I did a recording with the girls from the Voicebox- an all girl Vietnamese radio program broadcast in English on 3CR on Tuesdays from 6:30-7pm. Our guests were from the Vietnamese Student Association and they talked about the fall of Saigon April 30 anniversary and how they went up to Canberra for a conference and protest. We discussed the political process in Vietnam and how repressive the regime was. I found it really interesting that these young people were so in the know about it and concerned about it even though they have their lives here. I have been writing a lecture about "Vixen" and have mentioned that it tries to be politically neutral portraying all human governments in Vietnam as repressive or corrupt. But I think nowadays it is impossible to be apolitical- my next novel has a protaganist who is anti Communist. My mother has warned me that when Im in Vietnam to not discuss politics. Chi Vu told me she was quizzed by the ministry about what the Viet Kieu were like in Australia. And how they viewed Vietnam. I think that we cant point fingers- Australia keeps people in detention without trial and treats indigenous people abonimably. But it will be interesting I guess.

Haunting

2006-07-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

I went to the ASAL conference in Perth a couple of weeks ago- and it was really inspiring. The theme was Ghosts, Shadows, Screens and Sceptres- which all comes up in my own work. The talk that has stuck with me was one by Gail Jones who talked about haunting and how in relation to Aboriginal history there are some wounds that we cannot get closure on and we should remain haunted by them as the ethical thing to do.
My own writing is going well. I have to update my website and put on it the HEAT issue that I'm published in (number eleven). The launch was crowded in a shop called "Sticky" but had an underground ambience to it since it was in a subway under Flinders St station it was very appropriate for an issue featuring zines!
I will be doing a guest lecture at the University of Woolongong on Monday August 15th as part of their diasporic literature subject. Their theme is postcolonial ghosts- again very appropriate!

creativity and madness

2006-06-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

It's been really encouraging to receive so many nice comments on my blog! So far I've found the internet world a much more accepting one than the real world unfortunately...
I did a reading at the HEAT launch at Sticky recently which included a piece which was about being in a psychiatric clinic and what goes on in your mind when you're unwell. I was asked by a few people whether the "i" in the story was me and I was upfront and said yes it was- three years ago. Ivor Indyk asked me whether it was an essay or fiction and at the time I said fiction- still hiding. But now I'm applying for the Peter Blazey fellowship in life writing with that piece as the submission so I suppose I'm gradually coming out.
The connection between madness and creativity is something that has been written about ad nauseum so here is my two cents- you are very lucky if you can be creative when you're unwell. I had incredible hallucinations (if you want to know more buy Heat Issue 11 and look up my piece in it) but I was unable to write anything new and coherent for about 3 months after the psychotic break was over. In fact my creativity was still born for a while and needed considerable massaging- which can be put down to either my illness (negative symptoms include emotional flatness and withdrawal) or the medication I was getting used to (sedating). The experience of madness is so bizarre that it would be strange if creative people didn't use it in their work.
But as my shrink would say- it's not good to romanticise it- it's bloody terrifying when it's happening.
I've been reading Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore which has been really helpful in terms of my creativity and what I do next. Before my illness I wanted to write in a way that captured light, and all the wonder and good in the world. Since my illness my ability to perceive that has varied somewhat. Thomas Moore writes very elegantly about depression and how we need the dark nights in order to experience the light- and that our society only encourages thinking about light not dark. He describes luminality as the twilight in between. I now want to capture the space between worlds- the in between ness of madness and recovery, the worlds between the living and the dead- ghosts and spirits abound in my work as well. And I am okay about that!

disclosure

2006-05-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

Well as promised, here is the confessional part of my blog.
I am an incest survivor as well as having survived schizoaffective disorder.
There are a couple of other labels that I have outgrown as well including post traumatic stress disorder.
I am not out at work nor is this part of my public profile as an author. Unlike Maria Hyland I have yet to tell this part of my life in the public sphere. But I have submitted an article that may change that. There is so much silence around these topics that someone has to break the taboo and be public about it so the shame is much less.
Stigma as one of my work surveys has said is rife.
My partner has cautioned me against even whispering this aloud in the blog world. But someone has to say I have survived this so other people know that you can. And thrive not just survive.

the use of abuse in autobiography

2006-04-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

Just had to rave about an article that Jane Sullivan wrote in the Age about memoir novels and her wondering what use they are- apart from the cathartic value they have to their respective authors. In today's Saturday Age there is a wail of complaint from one reviewer saying there is a flood of "I've had a nasty childhood" books. Well I see the point of well written memoirs or nastier works of childhood abuse in fiction. The more these horrible stories are shared, the more likely people will be sympathetic to those people in real life who disclose such events in their pasts or presents. Unfortunately abuse is part of the real world and society has yet to deal with these issues properly. No one seems to question the purpose of love stories and epic novels etc.
On a slightly related topic I'd also like to blog about my admiration of people like MJ Hyland whom are up front about their childhoods and her depressive illness. The more this stuff is shared the better I think. Then those of us that have experiences of these things know we are not alone. And that will be the subject of my next post.

Vixen 2006

2006-04-04T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'm currently working on a script adaptation of Vixen which I hope will be made into an animation one day. Revisiting it makes me realise how much some of my views have changed- the book stops in the 1990s- but somehow I want to pull the end into the early 21st century. If the film gets made I don't want it to be just a pretty animation (although that would be good!) I also want there to be a message about human rights both in Australia and Vietnam. I think I was pretty naive when I wrote Vixen- she is not really an active participant in history, the actions of a little fox is against the backdrop of history.

So does fiction need to say something? Or does the reader need to feel something?
I had this discussion with my writing group the other day. My two cents is that the reader needs to feel engaged whether it is intellectually or emotionally or they won't read the book.

My motivations for writing fox fairy fables in the first place was the need to say something. She was for me an expression of anger, she could do what I could not about some situations. Fantasy fiction for me was an escape where you could create your own happy endings and outcomes. In fiction I said what could not be said out loud in the environment I was living in.

I've been asked recently what makes me tick and what pushes my buttons as a writer. I said it was about change and transformation and that is what drama is to me. I also added later that it was about strength in situations and the ability to be a change agent in one's own life which sounds a little bit like the psychologist in me.

Nowadays I wonder how much of these private thoughts I need to speak out loud to communciate with other people- especially since I'm drifting into theatre. My supervisor Kathleen Fallon said that fiction gives you the freedom to speak the unsayable. I think that's also the freedom in theatre too- to bring out what has been kept hidden. That is the empowering and liberating aspect of it.

focussing

2006-03-19T16:40:00.000-08:00

This is a post to myself, trying to figure out where to focus my energy. I have been trying to get up a project called "Silence" through AVYM, an all Vietnamese women's production. We are looking for a woman director and this is taking up time. I am currently engaged most regularly on my thesis project "Digging up the bones" which I think in the end will be a good finished novel. And I have all these other ideas that result in half finished work, or the first four pages, fragments of work. I went to an MJ Hyland reading and she was in my 1996 RMIT writing class. She was determined to become a published writer here and overseas and has succeeded through discipline and will power. I do not have that much discipline, my mind is all over the place. If I wanted to focus purely on publishing, I could do young adult work- there seems to be a demand for it. I'm driven by stories about refugees and schizophrenia right now, and I guess that could fit it- but they are mostly adult in conception. Hmmm.

Freedom

2006-03-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

Just had a good supervision session with Kathleen Fallon today. She encouraged me to use my imagination when it came to one of my characters going mad- or experiencing a psychotic breakdown. I'm wary of misrepresenting this state, my best friend's mother has schizophrenia and so does my grandmother. But Kathleen has told me to let go a little and go crazy with it (no pun intended) to loosen up my writing. She says there's a great deal of careful craft in my writing but it needs some wildness in it.
Think about what you want to read, she has advised me. What will hold you to the page. Extremes do hold you and a kind of voyeurism when it comes to madness. I attended a living poetry session that was themed madness, and they talked about the preconceptions of what "mad" writing looks like. I think I can do this writing on paper but perhaps not type it straight away. Typing requires a form of concentration in my mind, and pre formation rather than automatic or wild like writing.

Silence

2006-03-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

My AVYM project for the moment is titled "Silence- giving voice to Vietnamese-Australian women". We are putting in for an arts and innovation grant using Tony's contacts with the Australian Vietnamese Women's Welfare Association to do a partnership with them. I'm happy about the way this is shaping up- it will be developed in 2007, gives me something to look forward to when I come back from Vietnam. AVYM had its second board meeting yesterday and soon we will be incorporated, get an ABN and all of that. Tony will be doing a lot of work I think and hopefully it will all pay off.

AVYM stuff and Merlinda Bobis

2006-03-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

Somehow I became the president of Australian Vietnamese Youth Media the other day. We had our first board meeting at the Dancing Dog Cafe and I was elected! Tony Le Nguyen has all these ideas for AVYM- to have our own space and to become as big as some of the community theatre groups overseas. It's a great dream and I'm thrilled to be part of it- but also wary of taking on too many commitments. Huu Tran one of the "elders" of AVYM pops by my work office every so often to say hi. Today we had a conversation about why we do our art. Huu says it is to tell a story. He is concerned about breaking into the mainstream. Someone else said, I've forgotten whom, that we need to create our own art the way we want the mainstream to do it, and the mainstream can follow us. I think it was at the AVYM meeting actually. I write because I need to, to make sense of what is around me. When it comes to publication and public work I'd like to tell a story well, and I'd like to bring to light stories that aren't heard very much.
I saw Merlinda Bobis today and she was inspirational! She talked about how you have to hear and listen to stories of war and terror and do the research. That your very voice in your story will change after you've heard it. How can you remain unchanged I wonder? Her story the "Fish haired woman" has been transformed into a prose and music piece and into a novel. It took her ten years- which makes me feel better about not publishing anything for six years.

a geeky nerd

2006-02-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Tseen I have found a nerd-geek-dork test. I am

You scored higher than 59% on nerdiness
You scored higher than 72% on geekosity
You scored higher than 71% on dork points and am a modern cool nerd. Meaning I read for pleasure damnit!

The Peril theme is nerds and it's turning out to be a lot of fun! It's also sparked a lot of interest so all of Alister's hard work is paying off.

If you're interested the test is here:

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=9935030990046738815

new creative stuff

2006-02-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

I'm involved in a couple of projects that need writers to come up with submissions!

First: Peril is a new Asian-Australian website designed to build a critical mass of Asian-Australian art and cultural concerns. Our ambition is to have two core issues a year on the site with a forum board for people to chat and comment. Why Peril? From the so called Yellow Peril that labelled the wave of Chinese immigration in the 19th century. We are perilious and take risks but not in the way that the Pauline Hansons of the world think!
Our first issue is themed nerds so check it out: http://www.asianaustralian.org

Second: The Voicebox is compilating an anthology about women's experiences of drugs or how drugs have affected women's lives. If you have a piece of prose, poetry, first person view or article send it to voicebox@buoyancy.org

Voicebox

2006-02-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

Just to let people know that you can hear me and other cool Vietnamese-Australian women on the Voicebox Tuesdays 6:30pm on 3CR. I got involved in this through Helen Huynh one of the co-writers for Children of the Dragon. The show chats about a range of things including sex, drugs and other things mainly of Vietnamese-Australian interest but in English. Here is their website: http://voicebox.buoyancy.org.au/ but it needs updating- my name isn't up there yet!
And another thing I've been doing lately- or to be more accurate my partner has been doing lately- building the website for Peril. www.asianaustralian.org for a space for an Asian-Australian journal.

myth

2006-02-04T20:34:00.000-08:00

Just finished reading Karen Armstrong's A History of Myth which covers myth making from primitive times up to the present day. She suggests that nowadays we are dominated by logos- rationality and that novelists and creative artists are the ones left to ritualise and enact out myths. I actively drew on myth to write Vixen and am still trying to make my own myths with Pearl. Somehow Vixen reached something almost spiritual in me and seemed to touch other people as well. I don't know how to recapture that (if I did I wouldn't have so much trouble getting published again!) But I am having a short piece "yolk" published in the next issue of HEAT- my first real publication for 5 years.

native indian magic

2005-12-25T16:12:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a book on native indian magic- and it makes me see my life and synchronicity in a different way. This book "spirits of the earth" by bobby lake-thom talks about how to discover your spirit animal and how nature talks to yo9u when you discover feathers, dead bodies or see birds and other animals on your travels. one of my spirit animals I think is the cockatoo, I use to encounter cockatoo feathers all the time when I was writing Spirit- a post nuclear war story set in Australia where people have animal spirits (shadow spirits), one of the lead characters had a cockatoo as his animal spirit. I don't know whwere I picked up the fox from except reading in a feminist mythology anthology that the fox fairy was one of the few female asian spirits that was strong. That is one of my seedling ideas to sort out a range of female asian archetypes in myth so there is something to draw on apart from your anglo celtic archetypews of women, But I don't know enough yet, maybe when I have the patience I'll research this some more.

novel musings

2005-12-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

I've been reading Margaret Atwood's Curious pursuits for a second time. She ponders over what is the purpose of the novel. I say that the purpose of the novel is transformation. Either transformation within the novel or to transform the reader and take them elsewhere. I've also been reading Julia Cameron's Walking in the World and she makes an important point- that art as the business is seperate from art the creative process. It's so easy to mix up the two, especially when thinking about what you want to achieve and looking back at what you have achieved. I have had a long lull between books and I think I've needed it- I still have yet to conquer the novel form- I have been writing Digging up the bones in bits and pieces and maybe that is the way I work, to work in pieces or smaller stories and then tie them up into a whole. That's different from people who have larger capacities to tell stories I think- or more room in their minds!
I've also had a long supervision session with Kathleen Fallon about Bones. I have been struggling with the voice of the grandmother and she pointed out that it is harder to write about people that we know- they can come out two dimensional- it's easier to fictionalise. I have decided to try and fictionalise Bones more so it will be easier- never let the truth get in the way of a good story! Another thing that Brian Castro said in his masterclass was- just because it's true doesn't mean it's good. I think he may have a point there...

a residency hooray!

2005-11-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

I've gotten the offer letter to go to Vietnam for 4 months to write a sequel to Vixen!
I'm excited and scared at the same time- scared because of the censorship and other Vietnamese authors experiences over there. I hope it will be a soul building experience if anything...
I attended the Asia Pacific Writers Network meeting the other week which was inspiring. Again more stories about Vietnamese and Chinese censorship. I also attended a course for writing research for non academics- it didn't teach me much I did not already know- it seems that non fiction like fiction requires a hook and a story. So it seems my life as a full time writer is already having a jump start- no need for a day job for a while!

Donna Jackson rocks!

2005-10-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Went to a Donna Jackson workshop on CCD and it was great! She postulated a model in which you are u pfront about ex ploring challenging issues and getting commitment from participants, and with the foresight of flagging that the director stops being consultatitive and starts being artistic ahead of time to avoid tension. This would avoid some of the tensions that emerged during Children of the Dragon. DonnaJackson also postulated that you have to put making great art as the first priority and art cannot save people, social change would come as a secondary effect. I think there is an interesting tension to be had there. I think participating in the arts can empower people and validate them as per David Nguyen's response to my interview questions.
Otherwise I've been busy lately- moving house and preparing to be a full time writer (rather than saying I'm unemployed- that's too depressing).

audience

2005-09-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Just had a chat with David Nguyen (Cuong is his stage name) as part of my thesis work. The non part of my thesis conversation concerned Australian mainstream and Vietnamese community audiences. When designing theatre about the Vietnamese community how does the work get interpreted? Dave asked some interesting questions to pose like whether the stories are universal enough to reach both audiences and that meanings will be ascribed differently by each audience. This would affect the outcome of the piece. Children of the Dragon is mostly in English. The stories in it are ones that would be familiar to the Vietnamese community I think almost to the point of cliche. But I don't know how an Australian audience unfamiliar with the Viet community and its issues would view it. I think anyone who sees the show would already be a little bit familiar of common perceptions of it anyway. The overarching myth is a great device that way. He does think about the Vietnamese audience more than the other artists I have interviewed so far. I don't think of audience in my novel writing but community theatre I think you have to.

inspiration strikes

2005-09-20T01:51:00.000-07:00

As you can tell from the time of this blog I have been hit by restlessness and inspiration has struck. Pearl a novel I have been working on since 2000 and the last draft is dated 2003 is up to about draft 3 and still hasn't quite worked. I've hit on a way to rewrite it from scratch to include my reflections on asylum seekers and how Australia's asylum seeker policy and attitude towards international students etc with the punitive stance of DIMIA is a repeat of history from the late 1800s (as far as the Chinese-Australian diaspora goes). It's taken me a long time to come up with this reframing and rewrite (2 years to be precise) and that's without working on it. The catalyst has been me reading up on fairy tales and myths and trying to tell stories that way using the heroine's journey amongst other things. This bolt of lightning gives me faith in the creative process I needed the gestation time and now I need the patience to redraft it all- which I've never done before. (Vixen was a series of short stories and I only needed to revise the stories and add a narrative backbone to it to morph into a novel).
Having read Tom Cho's blog on the creative process I have now realised that I have been gestating what I teach in writing process as well. I've been reading Margaret Atwood, Ursula Le Guin and a biography of Phillip K Dick and its been helping me formulate how to teach writing in a way which emphasises telling story and is more organic than just the tools teaching I've been doing at CAE.
I've been wanting to return to fantasy writing for a long while and have been unable to because of my health. I have been writing but stuff that relates more to my experiences rather than the flights of fantasy I used to have. But it's all grist for the mill as they say and maybe I needed the hiatus as part of my development as a writer.

after the asian australian meet up

2005-09-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

Last night had another Asian Australian meet up. Myself, Tseen, Tom, Chi Vu and Susan Lee were there. More stimulating conversation including a question from Suze- how can we get Asian Australians to mobilise? I half jokingly said bring on another Pauline Hanson. Suze wondered why there wasn't an asian-australian rights movement like in the US. Maybe another comparison would be in NZ where the government apologised to Chinese Kiwis for deporting them in the 19th century. The response was mixed, I read about people who thought they should just move on (they were Chinese Kiwis) and others who thought it was great. The climate in NZ is good for that sort of thing whilst here not even the basic sorry to indigenous people could happen.
The conversations about Peril are becoming more concrete. Our first issue is going to be about nerds- inspired by the fact that all three of us played dungeons and dragons!
I personally think that if there is enough momentum a movement will be born...

vietnamese or australian?

2005-09-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

Just watched Viet Boys Down Under another Huu Tran and Tony Le Nguyen production from a few years back. Dominic Golding's character ponders "am I 90% Australian and 10% Vietnamese or 90% Vietnamese and 10% Australian"? Rad Rudd's character ponders "why can't I be just Australian? Or can I become full blooded Vietnamese and become more pure?" (Rad is half Vietnamese Half Australian). Huu Tran once asked me whether I was going to become more Vietnamese in the future. The answer is I don't know. Learning the language is one thing, then choosing which culture influences me is another. I am a hybrid and being a banana split means these things can change.

a perilious wave

2005-09-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

My on line journal idea is growing legs and I'm meeting with Tom Cho and Tseen Khoo on Sunday with my partner who is doing the IT work. It's now called "peril" and it's motif the tsunami wave. Why the wave? Because of the mometum and build up I feel that is out there in Asian Australia networks and artists. Soon we will have an impact of our own accord. I like bouncing my ideas off Tom and Tseen they are both amazing thinkers.
My interviews for my thesis are proceeding nicely. I've interviewed Tony Le Nguyen and Chi Vu who haven't approved their interview transcripts yet so I can't comment on them. But the 1.5 generation artists I'm interviewing have a different view from what Mandy Thomas' sample has provided her with- however her work is now 5 years old and the constant that I'm getting with the interviews is that identity and relationships with Vietnam change over time and is something that people revisit. Like Trinh T Minh Ha (a Vietnamese academic and film maker I'm reading up on at the moment) says "Identity is a way of re departing. The return to a denied heritage allows one to start again with different re departures, different pauses, different re arrivals." (When the moon waxes red p.14) She writes so beautifully I wonder whether I could write as poetically about such topics.
Hmmm.

intergenerations

2005-09-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

Last night had feedback from a forum about the Children of the Dragon script we've been working on. Again there was pressure to be representative this time that the project reflect all the issues that face generation 2 of Vietnamese-Australians. Almost impossible I say. There was some very good feedback about through lines and what the 2nd generation wants to say to the 1st generation. But I'm very aware that we are again being asked to sugar coat it a little, some in the audience wanted to see healing (which is a point but healing may be a long time in coming and not covered in a 2 hour production!) We do have to watch stereotyping which is an issue that has come up in the drafting process. I had a chat with Tony Le Nguyen who told me that Community Cultural Development is heavily contested and challenged and I can see why. Is it more truthful to leave things open ended and not given closure or for the sake of artistic representation to close things and give a positive spin?

review of thu le

2005-08-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

this is going to be a mild rant about a review I saw about the "Grave of Thu Le" by Catherine Cole. The review started by saying that there were only a few Vietnamese writers that were not known outside their communities and that Vietnam had not captured the "literary imagination" the way Indonesia had after "Turtle Beach". Well the first claim is erroneous people have studied my work and David Chiem's at secondary and tertiary levels. The second claim is dubious. What is the "literary imagination"? Is it only when non-Asian mostly White authors write about the exotic location and it is mainstream successful that it is captured? This review was by Druscilla Mojewska in the Monthly of July.

identifying as asian-australian

2005-08-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

I've been discussing the on line journal idea with Tom and Tseen and both of them mentioned that there may be artists that would not label their work or see their work fitting in to the Asian-Australian niche/category or whatever you would call it. I guess I think about Quan Yeomans who is Vietnamese-Australian and Regurgitator is a mainstream band. I'm so used to being labelled a Vietnamese-Australian writer that I've internalised it somewhat. Also in my work it often has a Vietnamese protaganist or issues involved. It didn't used to be like this, I had written some science fiction and fantasy work in my late teens that didn't involve ethnicity. Anyhow it's something new to think about.
I just read from Margaret Atwood's Negotiating the Dead and she says once you are a known writer then you cannot be invisible anymore. People stick labels on you and maybe project masks on to you that you cannot remove. That's maybe where my politicisation comes from in a way, I have only had to question my identity in regards to my face as a public writer when I am asked questions about it frequently. I also think it might be why authors have second novel syndrome they have to overcome whatever is projected onto them from the first novel and try and become invisible again to write the second book (if this is possible).

saving face and an on line idea

2005-08-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

Today i'm thinking of starting up an on line journal for us Asian Australians. Suzie Lee has already started a site for multimedia and arts where people can post up stuff which I'm looking forward to looking at. I'm looking at I guess a bit more conventional literary journal so we don't have to wait for the special issues of journals to post our work up there. I'd also like to add to the sense of community that the meet ups already have and have a forum where people can post responses to the articles, and opinions etc. I've been conferring with Tom and Tseen on this- more about this later when it becomes more concrete.

I saw "Saving Face" a Chinese-American Chinese-American Chick Flick about a girl whose mother moves in with her and her ongoing relationship with a gorgeous dancer and how she has to hide it (trying not to spoil it for anyone here). It was fluffy and non challenging but I thought it was great that such a film was made and got distributed.

I've been looking at other Asian-Canadian and Asian-American websites and what they have been doing and it all looks so great...At the AA symposium Evelyn Lee ( I think it was) talked about how in the next 30-50 years we could formalise AA studies within the academe starting with a single subject etc. She also talked about the dangers of it too. Just looking at what gets funded with the two main grants bodies here it's almost like you have to fit a certain paradigm to even get started and you lose your artistic diversity and freedom (ie having to fit into definitions like literary, having to be a legal organisation etc). I think the AA growth here has been really organic and I'd hate to see it lose that.

writing life

2005-08-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

I have decided to take an early redundancy from my work thanks to the Voluntary Student Union legislation and apply for a scholarship to try and write and study full time. Also thinking of applying for fellowships overseas with the support of my lovely partner. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time I have always had a day job or a respectable study path (in psychology) and now it feels like a bit of a gamble.

Yesterday I went to my first Children Of the Dragon workshop for a little while. I'm one of the contributing writers to this project which is looking at Vietnamese-Australian youth at the 30th anniversary of the community being here and where it might go next. The people in this project are energetic and most seem committed to the community and see themselves in thirty years doing something for it. I wonder whether this obligation to do something for the community is prevalent amongst Vietnamese because they are relatively new, the concept of nghia, or do all ethnic communities feel this obligation? One of the challenges popping up in this project is the perception that what we are portraying is too negative. We only refer to drugs once, and not to gangs at all- however we portray a lot of intergenerational conflict and PTSD. We cannot candy coat what is in the community though and I actually think our portrayal is very gentle. The burden of trying to be representative is weighing on the director and it strikes me as being a bit unfair- no one Australian Anglo production is ever expected to be representative of its culture.

back from Varuna

2005-08-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from Varuna Writers Centre where I spent a week reflecting and writing. I also started the interviews for my Phd. I interviewed Binh Duy Ta who wrote the play Monkey Mother about identity, community and home. He emphasised the importance of language for him in establishing identity, as his English gets better he feels his Australian side becomes more pronounced. He also mentioned that a friend of his with better English found it hard to integrate into Australian culture- so it's not everything.
My own identity was heavily influenced by language or lack of it (I don't speak Vietnamese)- I have felt that I was just Australian for a very long time and then rediscovered my Vietnamese side when my grandfather died and I was introduced to Vietnamese Buddhism and its rituals. So now I identify as Vietnamese-Australian and sometimes I come across these things in my psyche that my non Vietnamese acquaintances describe as Asian- such as my propensity for silence and introversion.

visible ink

2005-08-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a Visible Ink reading- the compilation put together by RMIT writing students. I was at RMIT in 1996 and from my classes a handful have had novels published. Margaret Bearman and Maria Hyland were in my classes with excellent novels with second ones to come.
Today it was poetry and I saw Angela Costi and Tom Cho read. Angela Costi was lyrical, with arresting images, and Tom was his usual sardonic humourous self.
Today I'd thought I'd write a little about writing process. Ursula Le Guin says that stories have to come to you, that she has moments or little whiles of silences before they come- which other writers might call writers block. She has a fantastic inspirational book out called The wave of the mind which contains some essays about writing and reading.
I have had writers block. Robert McKee says the answer is research. Julia Cameron calls it creative U turns. Nathalie Goldman suggests writing your way out of such spaces.
I think I have had to gain insight into what I write about. Why am I writing? Why am I writing such a story? What is it that I can give that is new and revealing?
I'm working on two projects at the moment. Dream Mapping about a survivor of a shooting who has a psychotic episode for the Australia Council Grant I have, and Digging up the bones for my Phd. Both have moments of silence in them, and I wonder how to express this in a novel.
Critical self reflection periods for all my characters occur when they are alone.
I worry sometimes that these books are too much internal monologue, not enough external world. But that is what the novel you could argue is all about.

banana split

2005-08-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

Maybe banana split is a better description than banana, it allows for extra fillings with a cherry on top!
To explain my identity a little more, I see myself as Vietnamese Australian, or Australian of Vietnamese origin which is sort of clunky. I don't speak Vietnamese and I was born in Australia so would be counted as generation 2.
Some of my acquaintances have argued that I'm not Asian at all- but these are people who don't know me very well. It has been argued that language is the main vehicle of culture but I disagree with this- I have been exposed to plenty of Vietnamese customs and sensibility being explained (or not explained) to me in English.
For instance I somehow inherited family obligation and female self sacrifice and guilt without Vietnamese language. One could argue that this is the conditioning of most women but I'm not so sure- I'd like to think that I've outgrown and shed the notion of sacrificing myself.
Is there such a thing as Vietnameseness? Mandy Thomas would say there is. As a point of national pride the Vietnamese national character includes resistance to other cultures such as Chinese or American.
I think that there is a unique "vietnameseness" but I don't know how different it is to Chineseness for instance. This is what I'm going to look for in my research.

a beginners blog

2005-08-03T16:08:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog. I was inspired by Tom Cho's blog on his transition to being a man.
I have yet to define the purpose of this blog. A public memory space for people to hear my thoughts on - writing process - being Vietnamese-Australian and a banana identity- and so people can read my thoughts without having to load it all on my website hoapham.net

So to start off today- I had an interesting conversation with a researcher who is looking at pho and identity. Why pho? If you don't know it's a noodle dish from Vietnam of beef broth and rice noodles. I think she was less interested in talking to me than talking to my parents.

Which is a shame because I could have talked to her about identity, in particular Vietnamese identity in Australia. I'm writing my thesis on this as relates to Vietnamese-Australian artists such as authors and playwrights like myself.

I use the word banana identity very loosely here. I am yellow on the outside and mostly white on the inside. But the more I look inwards the more I identify a yellow streak running in there somewhere.

More on this tomorrow- when I have more time.