creativity and madness
It's been really encouraging to receive so many nice comments on my blog! So far I've found the internet world a much more accepting one than the real world unfortunately...
I did a reading at the HEAT launch at Sticky recently which included a piece which was about being in a psychiatric clinic and what goes on in your mind when you're unwell. I was asked by a few people whether the "i" in the story was me and I was upfront and said yes it was- three years ago. Ivor Indyk asked me whether it was an essay or fiction and at the time I said fiction- still hiding. But now I'm applying for the Peter Blazey fellowship in life writing with that piece as the submission so I suppose I'm gradually coming out.
The connection between madness and creativity is something that has been written about ad nauseum so here is my two cents- you are very lucky if you can be creative when you're unwell. I had incredible hallucinations (if you want to know more buy Heat Issue 11 and look up my piece in it) but I was unable to write anything new and coherent for about 3 months after the psychotic break was over. In fact my creativity was still born for a while and needed considerable massaging- which can be put down to either my illness (negative symptoms include emotional flatness and withdrawal) or the medication I was getting used to (sedating). The experience of madness is so bizarre that it would be strange if creative people didn't use it in their work.
But as my shrink would say- it's not good to romanticise it- it's bloody terrifying when it's happening.
I've been reading Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore which has been really helpful in terms of my creativity and what I do next. Before my illness I wanted to write in a way that captured light, and all the wonder and good in the world. Since my illness my ability to perceive that has varied somewhat. Thomas Moore writes very elegantly about depression and how we need the dark nights in order to experience the light- and that our society only encourages thinking about light not dark. He describes luminality as the twilight in between. I now want to capture the space between worlds- the in between ness of madness and recovery, the worlds between the living and the dead- ghosts and spirits abound in my work as well. And I am okay about that!
I did a reading at the HEAT launch at Sticky recently which included a piece which was about being in a psychiatric clinic and what goes on in your mind when you're unwell. I was asked by a few people whether the "i" in the story was me and I was upfront and said yes it was- three years ago. Ivor Indyk asked me whether it was an essay or fiction and at the time I said fiction- still hiding. But now I'm applying for the Peter Blazey fellowship in life writing with that piece as the submission so I suppose I'm gradually coming out.
The connection between madness and creativity is something that has been written about ad nauseum so here is my two cents- you are very lucky if you can be creative when you're unwell. I had incredible hallucinations (if you want to know more buy Heat Issue 11 and look up my piece in it) but I was unable to write anything new and coherent for about 3 months after the psychotic break was over. In fact my creativity was still born for a while and needed considerable massaging- which can be put down to either my illness (negative symptoms include emotional flatness and withdrawal) or the medication I was getting used to (sedating). The experience of madness is so bizarre that it would be strange if creative people didn't use it in their work.
But as my shrink would say- it's not good to romanticise it- it's bloody terrifying when it's happening.
I've been reading Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore which has been really helpful in terms of my creativity and what I do next. Before my illness I wanted to write in a way that captured light, and all the wonder and good in the world. Since my illness my ability to perceive that has varied somewhat. Thomas Moore writes very elegantly about depression and how we need the dark nights in order to experience the light- and that our society only encourages thinking about light not dark. He describes luminality as the twilight in between. I now want to capture the space between worlds- the in between ness of madness and recovery, the worlds between the living and the dead- ghosts and spirits abound in my work as well. And I am okay about that!
posted by Hoa at
11:40 AM
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